Lane Drifting

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:6-7

When you're really worked up or upset about something, it can make it hard to focus on what's most important to you. You take your eyes off the goal and start worrying about other things.

I found this lesson out the hard way over the summer.

I took my eyes off of where I was trying to get to and let myself be distracted by things that were/are going on around me. And when I did, my car started to drift off the road.

Thankfully, Jesus reminds me to keep my eyes on the road and got me back in the right lane. 

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This summer has revealed several things to me spiritually:

- I need to remember 1 John 4:18 a lot more than I actually do (perfect love casts out fear).

- I need to remember to spend time in prayer with God asking for help when things start to upset me or start overwhelming me (Psalm 143).

- And I need to spend a whole lot more time worshipping, reading in scripture and remembering just who my God is.

He's bigger than the things that cause me pain. He's bigger than my worries. 

He's the King of my heart and needs to always be the mountain I run to.

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If you guys would, please pray for me to follow through with what I plan for my next post to be over. God's revealed a part of me to myself this summer that I don't normally talk about and don't like bringing up in conversation, and I feel like I need to finally be open about it so it can hopefully start to be fixed.

Pray that the bold spirit I prayed for all summer comes back to me.

And if you feel so inclined to, please feel free to message me about my next post. I'll appreciate being able to talk about it a little and would also like to have some accountability.

Grace, Love and Peace,

Larz

Ruth 1:16-17

If you ever asked me, I'd say it's the understatement of the century whenever I say that I'm blessed with three of the greatest friends I could ever ask for or want. I met these three almost a decade ago (holy crap, where has the time gone?!) at camp, and we've all stayed pretty close friends since then. Those friendships have grown a lot stronger through college and summers at Impact, and I couldn't be more glad for it.

I remember the first time I Phil and Nolan at the first week of camp at Mahoning Valley I ever went to (the summer between my 7th and 8th grade year). Waayyyy back in the day, Nolan came off as that one kid we all knew in school who was pretty cool but went overboard trying to be cool. Phil intimidated me a little bit when I first met him. He always had a letterman jacket or some kind of sports-related shirt, and always had at least one girl at camp that liked him and followed him around everywhere. I thought he was a jock until I got to know him a little better at the winter retreat the following winter. Phil and Nolan were always in different family groups though, so I never really interacted with either of them significantly until the summer after my freshman year.

At this point in time, Phil was dating this girl named Claire, and she was one of the funniest but most sarcastic, straight-forward people I'd ever met. I was in the same family group as them, and she and Mama Shellie (our family group "mother" that week) could go through witty remarks like champs. There wasn't a conversation that whole week where I didn't laugh at least once at something Claire said. After that summer, there wasn't a winter retreat or week of camp where we weren't in the same family group.

The next summer (after my sophomore year), Nolan was in our family group too, and it was a riot that whole week (Nolan turned out to be a pretty cool guy once you got to know him. Who would've thunk?). This week of summer was also special because Claire decided to be baptized one night that week. It was so cool seeing her make that decision and watching Phil get to be the one that took her confession of faith. It's been even cooler seeing just how much God has changed her since she made that decision six years ago.

Skip forward a couple summers, a couple winter retreats and a few graduations, and we're at my last week of camp as a student. It was a doubly bittersweet one, because not only was it the last time I got to come to camp as a camper, but it was also the first one where I didn't have my friends I'd made over the last three years there with me. I felt so out of place because the family I grew to love having every summer wasn't there anymore. But I was really happy Tuesday or Wednesday evening that week, because the three of them came to visit one of those evenings. I'm half ashamed to say it, but when they left and I was waving goodbye to them, I started crying because I missed them already.

The summer of 2013, Nolan invited me to come with him to this college-age bible study group called Impact he was involved with. I got a huge surprise the first time I came because it was Fall Creek's new college-age ministry, and all three of my friends were involved with it too! I'm so thankful for Nolan inviting me that Sunday evening, because being involved with Impact has strengthened my relationship with Christ and my relationship with my friends.

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If my friends are reading this, I know I've told you guys before I struggle a lot with being open about things and how I feel. It's not exactly how I wanted to be open with you, but I want to take this chance to tell you guys a few things that have been weighing on my heart for the last couple months.

I know I do a bad job of being open with you guys (I still promise, you'll get more than two-word answers out of me when I answer your questions one of these days!), but I love you so, so much. I don't tell you guys that nearly as much as I should, and I definitely do a horrible job of telling you in person.

If there's one way I can even try to sum up everything I want to tell you guys, Ruth 1:16-17 says it best:

"But Ruth said:

"Entreat me not to leave you,

Or to turn back from following after you;

For wherever you go, I will go;

And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;

Your people shall be my people,

and your God, my God.

Where you die, I will die,

and there I will be buried.

The Lord do so to me, and more also,

If anything but death parts you and me."

My heart always feels like it's going to explode when I get to spend time with you guys, and it feels like it's breaking when I don't get to talk to you or see you in awhile. I never want our friendship to end, because you three have become family to me. You guys mean the world to me, and I feel horrible so much because I never know how to tell you.

Phil, I'm so stinking proud of where you've gone since camp. You went into studying ministry, then computer work, then back to ministry, and now you're already a minister at a church! You set the bar for where I want my eventual marriage to be with how you take care of Claire and Natalie. You and Nolan are my role-models for what it looks like to be a real Follower of Christ. I'm so proud of you, friend!

Claire, you are possibly the best advice giver I could ever ask for. Even when it stings you still tell me what I need to hear, and I can't thank you enough for your God-focused guidance. You're hilarious most of the time, and you and Phil are doing parenthood really well. Natalie is lucky and blessed to have the God-loving, Jesus following parents she has, and I'm lucky and blessed to have her parents as a couple of my best friends!

Nolan, you've come a long way since camp too, and I'm proud of seeing where you're going! You're always willing to be a friend who will listen and one to talk to when I need somebody. I'm so happy for your new job at Wilkinson and for you and Katie's upcoming marriage, and I can't wait to see what God decides to do through both of you!

I know I try and make up for my lack of words with my actions, but I hope you guys know just how much you mean to me. Love you, my family!

Larz

“Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, 'sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Lion Cub Courage

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love 
and of a sound mind." 

~ 2 Timothy 1:7

Timid = lacking in self-assurance, courage, or bravery; easily alarmed; timorous; shy

I don't know how many times this has been the exact definition of me. If you asked me to describe myself in one word, "shy" is one of the first that comes to my mind. I've never been one to start conversations with people very often, or go out of my comfort zone to say hello to new people. I'm always just self-conscious and shy enough to keep me from building relationships with people.

I can remember one time a couple years ago where I had the chance to strengthen a friendship with someone that I've wanted to be better friends with for awhile. It was over Christmas break and a friend of mine had to work and couldn't make it to our bible study group. I had talked to her earlier that week and told her I'd try and get two or three people rounded up and come visit after Impact to cheer her up a little. Well, Impact finishes and everyone decides to go to Steak-N-Shake to hang out for a bit. I probably spent a good ten minutes fighting with myself trying to decide between my two options:

Do I go visit by myself (do something uncomfortable)?

or

Do I go with everyone else (do something comfortable)?

I'm sad to say my fear of doing something that makes me uncomfortable won out that evening. I did what made me feel comfortable and went with my other friends.

It feels like every time I get close to being courageous, I smack headfirst into some invisible wall that makes me hesitate just long enough for my fears or self-doubt to win.

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Now before I get off track too far, I want to go back to the title of my post today. If I try to describe my sense of courage to you guys, a Lion Cub is the closest visual representation I could give you.

If you've ever seen those Vines of Lion Cubs, you'll notice that they don't have that roar we associate with them. They have more of a little "squeak" (or something that sounds close to a hiccup depending on the Vine).

Every time I've tried to be brave and haven't, I feel like that's what my courage has done. This Lion Cub in me has turned towards that fear and squeaked as loud as it possibly can. It just hasn't been able to be louder than the fear yet.

If I've learned anything in the last couple weeks from 1 John 4:17-19, 2 Timothy 1:7, and studying the life of Elijah at Impact, it's this: Fear, Shyness and Timidity don't have a place in the heart of a Follower of Christ. Courage, Bravery and Love do.

I'm surrounded by friends who show that kind of love and bravery. If they can take on 10 different projects to minister to others, or leave home and the country to love others for three months, or even move somewhere completely new to minister at a new church, then what business have I got being afraid to say hi to someone new or doing something that makes me a little uncomfortable.


God doesn't give us a spirit of fearfulness.

Perfect love casts out fear.

It's time for this Lion Cub to face those fears (hopefully grow a cool looking mane) and roar.


Love all you guys, and I hope this helps any of you that have struggled with being afraid or shy.
Larz

Speaking of That Perfect Provision in College...

If there's one thing I like about staying up late on my nights off, it's that I have time to do just about whatever I want while I wait to get tired enough to fall asleep.

The only thing I don't like however, is that sometimes I can have "miniature panic attacks" about things that are going on in my life. In this particular instance, it was over my prayers asking God to make my heart bolder and to make me courageous. I had the same three or four thoughts just bombarding me constantly:


"I can't do this."

"I can't be brave."

"Brave isn't who I am."

"I can't be courageous."


Thankfully, the Holy Spirit shows up when you need it most. As I was sitting on my bed staring at the floor and tearing up in frustration with myself, everything in my mind just disappeared. The only thing I could think of were verses one and two of Psalm 143:


"Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And into Your righteousness." ~ (1-2)

"Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed." ~ (4)

"I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land.
Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fades!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You I do trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift my soul up to You." ~ (6-8)

"Revive me, O Lord, for Your name's sake!
For Your righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am your servant." ~ (11-12)


There are two things that blew my mind about this after I thought about it again:

1. I almost never think of Scripture when something is going wrong, especially during a late-night "miniature panic attack." So I can't explain how I remembered this Psalm right then and there.

2. I remembered a Psalm that I can't recall where or when I heard it, at exactly the right time I needed it, and it was about exactly what I was going through.


And now after reading the rest of Psalm 143, I can see that God will answer exactly like it asks. If you cry out for help, He'll answer you.

In the middle of fighting my own mind, God provided exactly what I needed in exactly the way I needed Him to.

Perfect. Provision.

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The only prayer requests I've really got for you guys this time echoes my first post. If you'd be so kind, please pray for God to continue to embolden my heart and to keep working on transforming me into the follower of Christ I'm called to be.

My next blog post is going to be extremely personal to me, so if you'd all pray that I stay honest and open with it, that would be a huge blessing.

I know what my heart is calling out and asking Him for, and I know He'll answer it if I keep chasing Him.

Love all you guys!
Larz

Strawberry-Banana Smoothies

I'm know it hasn't been long since my last post, but I really wanted to share this with you guys.
For the last week I've had this near nearly insatiable craving for fruit smoothies. I wind up getting one for my lunch at work almost every day and they've almost completely replaced soda on my list of things I drink (I'm currently sipping a Coke while I'm writing this one, so that's where the "almost" comes from). Something about them just keeps me coming back for another one, and another, and another.

In the last week, I've also noticed that I've gained a second insatiable craving that I keep coming back for more of: Worship.

I'm not much of a singing prodigy like some of my friends, so I usually do almost all singing I do in the car when I'm driving somewhere (namely on the way to and from work). And in just the last week alone since I burned a CD with some Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Phil Wickham and Matt Redman to listen to in the car, I've noticed some strange stuff coming from me.

I almost don't want to reach the destination I'm traveling to because I'm too lost in worshipping Jesus.
I've actually been a few minutes late getting to work a couple times because I slow down to finish the song that's playing or squeeze in another one. I've found myself taking the "Country Block" to go the back way home when I work evenings so I can drive slow with the windows down and the music up.

But what's probably the weirdest part of all is that I find myself not caring if people hear me singing while I drive by. I'm self-conscious about how people see me on a normal day, even if I'm in the car by myself. But all of a sudden, I don't care if I get weird looks now. I don't care if it makes people laugh at that guy in the car who can't sing very well. It all just turns into background noise while I'm worshipping Jesus.

I've caught myself wanting to scream one song on more than a few occasions because I get so carried away with singing. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-Un4makqm8)

Hopefully this craving for worshipping will change some of itself into a craving for reading God's Word in Scripture soon. I really want to get there like I should be.

And thankfully, worshipping Jesus doesn't cost me $3.63 each time I go through the drive-thru at McDonalds or Dairy Queen. Singing praises to Him is a free gift. And it's one I can both give and be a part of every time I slide in the driver's seat of the car.

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I kind of liked the idea at the end of the last post where I put prayer requests, so I think I'm going to keep that going from now on. So if you guys wouldn't mind, I have a couple friends I'd like to ask for prayers for.

My friends Coty and Brittney are both leaving/have left for missionary trips of some sort that are out of country for part or all of the summer. Coty is leaving for Costa Rica on the 31st and will be gone for... a month, I think? (I can't remember if he said a week or a month off the top of my head.
I'll try to update my post for that once I ask him again). Brittney left for Haiti over the weekend and will be gone for three months working with people around the town of Jacmel. Please pray for them to be safe and to stay healthy while they're gone, but above that please pray that they show God's love to the people they come in contact with.

Let their words be what God wants these people to hear.

Let the love they show be God's love spilling out through them.


Love you all!
Larz

Back To The River

Back To The River

   

  "To the river, I am going

      bringing sins I cannot bear.

      Come and cleanse me,

      come forgive me

      Lord I need, to meet You there." 

     

"To The River" has always been somewhat of a special song for me. I can still remember singing this verse of it before I was baptized in February of 2010. Both before and after my baptism, it's been one of my favorites. It's been on every Impact music playlist I've ever made and every camp music CD I've ever burned (yeah, I still burn CDs to listen to. I know, I'm an ancient fossil or something).

Something I never realized though, is how these lyrics are supposed to literally play out in your daily walk with Christ. And it's been weighing really heavily on my heart as of late. It's pulled me to a point where I finally feel bold enough to share this with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

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Two events have finally gotten me to this point I'm at now (both where I'm taking a really hard look at myself and my relationship with Christ, and where I'm actually starting a blog where I can hopefully start to open up about things). The first one was a conversation with Andrew (not my brother) a summer or two after I was baptized. Long story short, I felt horrible for some things I had said and done over the time frame between my baptism and then, and I felt like I needed to be baptized again to be forgiven for them. I wish I had mental Post-It Notes or something, because his answer was one I wish I could remember exactly how it was said. He answered me (with something along the lines of) "Once you've been baptized with Jesus, you can ask for forgiveness whenever and wherever you're at."

The second one has been a little more personal for me, and it's been something I've been slowly mulling over and over in my mind for the last couple months (it's been a very, VERY bitter pill for me to swallow, but it's the pill that's right). Call it a dream/vision/prophecy or whatever you want, but I woke up really early one morning from visiting Andrew (not my brother) in his office. I'd asked some kind of question about something, and all of a sudden he whips around from typing on his computer, yells "You're a Feel-Good Christian who's only here for a good time. You need to pray hard with Jesus!", and then turns back around and goes back to typing like nothing had happened. 

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Now I mentioned that the second event in this post was a bitter pill to swallow, and I think it's been that way because it's true, and I've only just come to both see it and admit it to myself here lately.
For almost the entire time I've been a Christian (and a couple years before then as well), I've only been a "feel-good" Christian.  I've only gone to bible studies, weeks of camp and youth groups because they're fun and I got to see the friends I've made at camp or church. I've shied away from asking and answering tough questions about myself because it's been too uncomfortable for me to look at the things I've been doing wrong. And I've worried more about the judgement I may get from my brothers and sisters in Christ for admitting this to them than I have about the judgement I will get from God if I don't admit this to him and ask for His forgiveness.

And once I finally admitted all this to myself and prayed about it, I finally understood both Andrew's answer to my question several summers ago and the lyrics from "To The River."

Going to the river is supposed to be a daily trip that everyone needs to make once they start living their lives for Christ. It's a time to meet with Jesus and leave all your burdens with Him. It's a time where you can always ask for forgiveness for anything I've done. It's where (for me personally) I can ask for the help and guidance I need to start making changes in my life.

While I've sat here working out the words to say what I feel and what I've been going through, I've felt a mix of shame and relief. Shame for living like a fake, but relief for finally accepting and acknowledging that I've made a mistake and asking to be forgiven for it. And then I came across a verse in scripture that I feel I really needed to hear.

"Who is a God like You,

Pardoning iniquity

And passing over the transgression

of the remnant of His heritage?

He does not retain His anger forever,

Because He delights in mercy." ~ Micah 7:18

I'm blessed and grateful to be loved by a God who doesn't stay angry because I've ignored Him for the better part of six years. He loves me enough to forgive my transgression and help me move forward in my relationship with Him. And He'll do the same with anyone else willing to meet Him at the river.

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Writing this post has been a real struggle for me, I'm not going to lie. Being open with people and making myself vulnerable isn't something I know how to do very well, and I don't usually find it enjoyable either. But having a real relationship with Christ or anyone else in life takes vulnerability. 

It takes being open with people and letting them see the real you. It takes community. It takes others like you, broken or unbroken, loving and praying for each other.

So if you've stuck with me all the way through this, I want to ask each one of you to pray for two things the next time you have some alone time with Jesus:

1. Pray for yourself (or anyone you know of) that's struggling with something in their life. Pray for it to be taken to the river and left with Jesus. Ask Jesus to start working in your/that person's life in whatever way He sees fit to. 

2. Pray for me to continue to be bold with these blog posts. Ask God to keep working on my heart so that I can be more open and personal with people, both here in my blog and in person with friends or family. Pray that I have the courage to keep tearing my walls down.

I love all of you more than I can come up with the words for (that'll change in the future hopefully).

Thank you taking the time to read my blog, and I hope you'll continue on this journey with me.

Larz