Thursday, April 12, 2018

Fear is the Path to the Dark Side


This blog has taken some time to get around to actually writing. Like I've said before, vulnerability and confrontation are not a couple of my stronger aspects, and the idea of talking about my fears is daunting to me.

But, I'm going to try and get through it as honestly (and quickly) as I can. Some may be more in-depth and some may not, and that just depends on my ability to elaborate more on it.

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- I'm afraid of never being able to find a partner. I'm always (and I mean always) turned down whenever I try to pursue someone I'm interested in, and that leads to some nice feelings about undesirableness.

- I'm afraid of never growing outside my role of being the peripheral friend to everyone I'm friends with. I'm afraid that I'm just tolerated when I am around and then forgotten about for the most part when I'm not.

- I'm afraid of never figuring out how to follow Jesus like I should.

- I'm afraid of never figuring out what I'm meant to do with my life. Being a cashier can't be all that I'm cut out to do for a living (even if it's full-time and the pay is decent).

- I'm afraid of never being able to defeat parts of myself that need (emphasis on NEED) to be dealt with and removed.

- I'm afraid of changing jobs and getting it wrong with a switch.

- I'm afraid of this time in my life. I don't have a clue what I'm doing while everyone else I know is getting their lives put together and moving on to the next stages of it.

- I'm afraid of never remembering what it's like to be genuinely happy about something.

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That's about all I've got for tonight. Thanks for any of you that read my thoughts, guys.

Grace, Love and Peace,
Larz

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