Lion Cub Courage

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love 
and of a sound mind." 

~ 2 Timothy 1:7

Timid = lacking in self-assurance, courage, or bravery; easily alarmed; timorous; shy

I don't know how many times this has been the exact definition of me. If you asked me to describe myself in one word, "shy" is one of the first that comes to my mind. I've never been one to start conversations with people very often, or go out of my comfort zone to say hello to new people. I'm always just self-conscious and shy enough to keep me from building relationships with people.

I can remember one time a couple years ago where I had the chance to strengthen a friendship with someone that I've wanted to be better friends with for awhile. It was over Christmas break and a friend of mine had to work and couldn't make it to our bible study group. I had talked to her earlier that week and told her I'd try and get two or three people rounded up and come visit after Impact to cheer her up a little. Well, Impact finishes and everyone decides to go to Steak-N-Shake to hang out for a bit. I probably spent a good ten minutes fighting with myself trying to decide between my two options:

Do I go visit by myself (do something uncomfortable)?

or

Do I go with everyone else (do something comfortable)?

I'm sad to say my fear of doing something that makes me uncomfortable won out that evening. I did what made me feel comfortable and went with my other friends.

It feels like every time I get close to being courageous, I smack headfirst into some invisible wall that makes me hesitate just long enough for my fears or self-doubt to win.

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Now before I get off track too far, I want to go back to the title of my post today. If I try to describe my sense of courage to you guys, a Lion Cub is the closest visual representation I could give you.

If you've ever seen those Vines of Lion Cubs, you'll notice that they don't have that roar we associate with them. They have more of a little "squeak" (or something that sounds close to a hiccup depending on the Vine).

Every time I've tried to be brave and haven't, I feel like that's what my courage has done. This Lion Cub in me has turned towards that fear and squeaked as loud as it possibly can. It just hasn't been able to be louder than the fear yet.

If I've learned anything in the last couple weeks from 1 John 4:17-19, 2 Timothy 1:7, and studying the life of Elijah at Impact, it's this: Fear, Shyness and Timidity don't have a place in the heart of a Follower of Christ. Courage, Bravery and Love do.

I'm surrounded by friends who show that kind of love and bravery. If they can take on 10 different projects to minister to others, or leave home and the country to love others for three months, or even move somewhere completely new to minister at a new church, then what business have I got being afraid to say hi to someone new or doing something that makes me a little uncomfortable.


God doesn't give us a spirit of fearfulness.

Perfect love casts out fear.

It's time for this Lion Cub to face those fears (hopefully grow a cool looking mane) and roar.


Love all you guys, and I hope this helps any of you that have struggled with being afraid or shy.
Larz

Speaking of That Perfect Provision in College...

If there's one thing I like about staying up late on my nights off, it's that I have time to do just about whatever I want while I wait to get tired enough to fall asleep.

The only thing I don't like however, is that sometimes I can have "miniature panic attacks" about things that are going on in my life. In this particular instance, it was over my prayers asking God to make my heart bolder and to make me courageous. I had the same three or four thoughts just bombarding me constantly:


"I can't do this."

"I can't be brave."

"Brave isn't who I am."

"I can't be courageous."


Thankfully, the Holy Spirit shows up when you need it most. As I was sitting on my bed staring at the floor and tearing up in frustration with myself, everything in my mind just disappeared. The only thing I could think of were verses one and two of Psalm 143:


"Hear my prayer, O Lord,
Give ear to my supplications!
In Your faithfulness answer me,
And into Your righteousness." ~ (1-2)

"Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart within me is distressed." ~ (4)

"I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land.
Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fades!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.
Cause me me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For in You I do trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,
For I lift my soul up to You." ~ (6-8)

"Revive me, O Lord, for Your name's sake!
For Your righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
In Your mercy cut off my enemies,
And destroy all those who afflict my soul;
For I am your servant." ~ (11-12)


There are two things that blew my mind about this after I thought about it again:

1. I almost never think of Scripture when something is going wrong, especially during a late-night "miniature panic attack." So I can't explain how I remembered this Psalm right then and there.

2. I remembered a Psalm that I can't recall where or when I heard it, at exactly the right time I needed it, and it was about exactly what I was going through.


And now after reading the rest of Psalm 143, I can see that God will answer exactly like it asks. If you cry out for help, He'll answer you.

In the middle of fighting my own mind, God provided exactly what I needed in exactly the way I needed Him to.

Perfect. Provision.

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The only prayer requests I've really got for you guys this time echoes my first post. If you'd be so kind, please pray for God to continue to embolden my heart and to keep working on transforming me into the follower of Christ I'm called to be.

My next blog post is going to be extremely personal to me, so if you'd all pray that I stay honest and open with it, that would be a huge blessing.

I know what my heart is calling out and asking Him for, and I know He'll answer it if I keep chasing Him.

Love all you guys!
Larz